How to Socialize at Work When You Dont Drink - The Muse

How to Socialize at Work When You Dont Drink - The MuseHow to Socialize at Work When You Dont Drink There are certain personal conversations that inevitably (and sometimes awkwardly) make their way into the workplace.For example, you might have to tell your boss that youre vegan when they schedule a business lunch at your local steakhouse. Or, maybe you need to mention that youre color blind and have trouble parsing charts that are red and green (true story, my brother had to do this). Or you might have to reveal during your company happy hour that you dont drink. This can be an especially tricky situation, as alcohol is a pretty common part of socializing with co-workers, mingling at networking events, or meeting with potential clients.There are plenty of reasons why you may choose bedrngnis to drink- religious reasons, personal reasons, health reasons, or a history of addiction, or maybe you just dont like the taste. Whatever the rationale, heres how to navigate it at workTake the Pressure Off YourselfIan Foster, an entrepreneur based in Alaska, hasnt drank since he was a teenager. When he travels for work, specifically when attending booking conferences for music tours with his business partner, hes constantly turning down offers for drinks.These are people I want to impress and I want to like me. Theyre people that its important to socialize with, because theyre not just looking at the power of my craft, theyre looking at the way I get along with other people, he says. And his first concern when he mentions he doesnt drink is that people will think hes not fun.Kate Campion, blogger and founder of My Sweet Home Life, felt similarly after she stopped drinking It was actually harder for me when I first stopped drinking and had to go from being the party girl at my workplace to the one who was getting sober. I really had no option at the beginning than just to say no to all things until I was comfortable handling situations involving alcohol.Having to bring up something as personal as choosing not to drink in front of your colleagues can be incredibly daunting. Theres a fear, as Foster described to me, that you bring less to the table. Or, that people will hold your past against you or coerce you to participate, as was the case with Campion.However, many of the people I spoke with emphasized that while peer pressure isnt uncommon, its usually a lot less present than youd think.I think a lot of people go into these situations thinking you have to drink in order to become part of the in crowd, says Foster. Thats such a lie- because Ive had so many people who give me a hard time in the moment...but theyve all come back and said, I respect that.Foster goes on to mention that not only do people respect his decision, but theyre also mora inclined to trust his character and judgement They know Im always going to be sober and Im always going to be clear- if something needs to happen they can trust my intellect to handle it.The point? Youre probab ly putting more pressure on yourself to participate than others are putting on you. So stick to your guns and go in confident that in the end nobody really cares whether or not you drink.Practice What Youll SayOf course, pressure still exists, and being able to handle it is important- for your health and for your work relationships.I think its so individual, says Kelifern Pomeranz, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist based in Silicon Valley who both specializes in addiction and is a non-drinker herself. A lot of how much you share depends on your company culture, she says. Do you normally share personal details with your manager or co-workers? And, do you feel comfortable doing so?Often Pomeranz will role play with her clients to practice how theyll tell their stories and how they should handle various responses. Doing this can take the pressure off in the moment and help you stand your ground when someone broaches the subject. And you dont have to give all the details, she adds. It can be as simple as saying I dont drink or politely declining their offer.Foster usually picks this strategy when meeting with business contacts Im not trying to sell out or make it sound like a negotiation, so its important to be firm with it. When someone offers him a drink- in one instance he described, a woman basically shoved it under his nose- he declines. But I smile and I thank them, and I thank them sincerely, he adds. Drinks are expensive, he explains, and so he understands the person is making a nice gesture and thats worth acknowledging. And then I quickly move on to something else. Like, How about this karaoke, isnt this crazy?No matter your situation, says Pomeranz, you have the right to choose whether you tell your story. Having a line in your back pocket such as I used to drink and I choose not to now or I dont like the taste of alcohol or I have to drive home may be all you need to get people to change the topic. You can even inject some humor to keep the conversation light, as Rob Lewis- who works in sales at an equipment rental company and decided to stop drinking altogether shortly after a work mishap several years ago- suggests. My usual response is something goofy like, The world cant handle me sober, so imagine if I was drunk.In short, you dont owe people anything- so dont be afraid to turn them away. People that are really in your face about it arent respectful of you and your choices, says Campion. Have an Alternative Plan in PlaceSometimes, it may not make sense to explain yourself- or, it does but the explanation still isnt convincing the person to leave you alone.Many of the people I spoke with agreed that when this happens, its best to have some kind of backup plan in place. Maybe that means ordering yourself a seltzer or water so people see something in your hand and are less likely to bring it up. Or, you can offer to be the designated driver so its understood why youre not drinking.If I was in some awkward situation where not accep ting a drink would raise flags, I would consider taking it but leaving it on the table, says Campion.Some people are perfectly comfortable being around co-workers who drink or going to events at bars. But others may not be.If you feel triggered by others drinking alcohol, do what you need to do to take care of yourself, says Pomeranz. You can take frequent breaks from the situation if needed, spend your time around other co-workers who dont drink or minimally drink, and leave the event early if you absolutely cannot tolerate it. And, of course, you can always choose not to go to an event altogether as long as its not mandatory.Find Activities and Places That Dont Require DrinkingTake advantage of those moments during the day when drinking is definitely not involved to get to know your co-workers in a more comfortable setting. Go on meeting walks, or bestattungs coffee or lunch with individual colleagues.Outside the office, there are plenty of other options for team anleiheing. When attending conferences, he encourages his colleagues to go and do something fun like go-karting or something that takes us out of that bar environment, says Lewis. Or, hell simply suggest hanging out at a restaurant, where food is equally the focus- and where more or less your colleagues feel embarrassed if they get drunk there.Many companies also provide sports leagues and clubs for employees to join to get to know each other. But if theres nothing in place, make it happen- start your own thing, says Foster. Get a small group together that loves to read and create a book club. Or, take your team to an escape room challenge. Or, as we do at The Muse, gather a few folks together on a Friday night to play board games in the office.The key is to find something that feels like a safe space for everyone, says Campion Sure people might be drinking at some of these, but its not the focus.Pay it ForwardAs someone who knows what its like to be a non-drinker at work, you have the power to chan ge your companys culture to be more inclusive.Peoples reasons for not drinking are very personal. So I always give people the same respect that Im hoping to get myself, says Foster. This means that just as he doesnt like people prying into his reasons, he doesnt dig too deep into others.Many companies also dont think to organize activities around those who dont drink, so if youre part of your companys social committee or know people who are, you can help bring in some more activity-based functions that dont revolve around drinking, says Campion. You may feel alone in your situation, but you might be surprised to find that others are in a similar boat. If anything, some colleagues might appreciate the opportunity to get to know their teammates sans alcohol.The truth is- and you know this- just because you dont drink doesnt mean you cant still socialize and bond with your co-workers. If input from these employees isnt enough to convince you otherwise, just remember that 100% of your t ime together in the office is alcohol-free (Id hope), and that time can be just as valuable as any happy hour. Mainly, be yourself and do what makes you most comfortable- people will ultimately respect and admire you for it.